Musings on Relationships

Throughout the past 2 weeks, I've been asked a similar question from 5 different people.          

          "Any men in your life?"
          "Got a boyfriend?"
           And my personal favorite:
          "Any suitors been knocking on your door lately?"

While I've been trying to think of some sort of witty remark in response, I've been coming up with nothing. Well, I've been thinking about it for the past few days trying to figure myself out (I'm not an easy person to understand-- even to myself!) and came to a few conclusions.

A little background. I grew up inbetween two boys. I never had a sister, and although I've gone through periods of my life where I've deeply regretted never having grown up with another girl, I am quite thankful today for the upbringing that I had. Growing up with two brothers, I was naturally a bit of a tomboy. I mean, who needs Barbies when you can just play with some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, right? Especially the pizza shooter-- that thing is the bomb. In all seriousness though, I never had the opportunity/desire to be your typical "girly girl". I wasn't one of those girls who by the age of 5, has her entire wedding planned out. I never really cared, to be honest. I was extremely blessed to have grown up with amazingly chivalrous, respectful and selfless men in my life. Both of my brothers, my father and my grandfather who lives in town would drop what they were doing to be there for me if I needed it.  I was raised seeing how real men act and live and when I hit the 'real world' of high school and college and saw what the opposite looks like (and how the majority of men today are), my bubble was burst.

One of the best things I ever did for myself was to never lower the bar on what I expected out of Christian men. When I'm talking to other men about the qualities I'm attracted to in a man, I lost count the number of times women have told me that my standards are too high. "Sarah, do you know how hard it is to find a man who fits those qualities?" Well, this is what I say to that...

I REFUSE TO SETTLE. I would rather live my life serving those in need as a single woman than 'settling' for someone less than God's best for me, purely because I'm afraid that nobody else will come along. I see this happening all too often and it breaks my heart! Women feel they're getting to be "old maid" age and they try to snatch up some guy and get married because they're afraid of being alone. Call me crazy, but I don't understand it. Single women, we should be so completely devoted to serving those in need that we don't have the time to be constantly peeking around at who's 'available' around us. Mark Darling, a pastor in Minneapolis, once said at a conference that true followers of Christ should be at the front lines. We should be in the trenches of the batttle for Christ, making a difference in this world. Once on the front lines, THAT'S when we can look to our right and our left to see who else is there with us. THAT is the kind of future husband or wife we should be looking for, someone else who's fighting on the front lines. Another analogy I love is that in order to marry a "10/10", we need to first become a "10/10" ourselves.

I've figured out what my response will be to the next person who asks me if there's a 'special man' in my life: "Right now I'm focusing on giving my whole heart to the Lord. I believe that some day when the time is right and if it's His will, I'll be hit in the head with a 2x4 and God will say it's time. Until then, the more time I spent searching for a boyfriend, the more time I'm wasting."

My prayer is that Christians will stop trying to take charge of relationships and let God do the leading. He knows immeasurably more than we do about what is best for our lives, so why do we think we know better than He? I pray we will realize that God already has our lives planned out, He already knows who and when we will marry, so why do we worry?